Why sexual passion dwindles
I Love you, let’s Break Up
September 16, 2013
If your vagina could speak what would she say? Would she say “I’m tired, I’m sore, I’m neglected?” Would she cry out in pain? “Why are you ashamed of me? Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you want anyone to see me? Why are you so embarrassed?”
Would she say “Make it stop? Why does he hurt me? Why aren’t you proud of me? Why are you punishing me? Why don’t you take care of me like you do the rest of your body? Why do you harm me?"
Would she say "You don’t trust him, he hurts me, why do you let him in? Or would she say ”I am the most sacred most feminine part that gives birth to life, why won’t do you include me in your existence?”
Many women suffer with a condition called Vaginismus. It is diagnosed as a totally involuntary pelvic floor response and it has been said the woman has no control over these actions and that it’s something she has always had. What an incredibly disempowering statement to make to a woman, which only further disconnects her and leaves her feeling powerless. Vaginal dilators and lubricant are handed out and women are fed the line that it’s a “muscular” response to nothing at all. Women are termed “frigid” and “unresponsive” and left feeling scared and bewildered. I do not believe it’s involuntary, I believe there is a reason and a message we are being called to heal.
I once assisted a woman who had been married for three years. She was in her early 30s and her partner was her childhood sweetheart. She had no sexual “issues” prior to the marriage but as soon as the ring was on her finger, she clammed up downstairs. Years of regular counselling and constant focus on “penetration” left her forlorn. The focus seemed to be on getting her to open up sexually but not asking her the million dollar question, What is your vagina trying to say, what would it say if she could speak?
After creating sacred space and gently inviting this question, her own innate wisdom came to the fore. She admitted that her childhood sweetheart had nursed her through a serious illness in her early 20's and although she loved him, she had married this man out of guilt. Her vagina understood this deep betrayal and brought her secrets out into the open. Thus, the three hour massage sessions with her husband and buckets of lubricant did not help to address her primary issue. Tools such as these may help once a realisation has been made and trauma starts to heal the existing wounds. However, forcing your vagina to open up should never be the goal. ‘She’ will open when she feels safe, nurtured and when you are honest. This particular woman divorced her husband and quickly remarried a man she had fallen in love with at work. Her sexual life and pleasure exploded, no lubricant was needed! She had married her second husband out of love, pleasure and delight, not out of guilt.
The vagina and indeed the base chakra holds millennia of abuse of power, pain and suffering. It has been the target for violence, dominance and control for thousands of years. Women still hold this hurt, for our sisters, mothers and daughters who have been before. Is it surprising sometimes she won’t let anyone in?
Your yoni (vagina) is a life giver, the womb, the life creator. There is no shame, no embarrassment, no “dirty”. Release all the pain intertwined in the very seat of creation and move firmly away from others who do not respect her gifts. Move firmly and determinedly away from men who do not know the sacredness of her existence. Move towards the conscious warriors waiting everywhere to love and cherish her. This is how we heal.
Let's start listening to her innate wisdom. Tastefully, respectfully, appropriately and sacredly. Let's feel connected to her, her tides, her shedding, her recreating, her pain, her ability, her pleasure and her power.
For another article in the Sexuality Series you may enjoy the lighthearted Dating a Conscious Goddess
Love Grace Author of “A Narrow Escape from an Ordinary Life”